Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
