I wish you could order shots online.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
