I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
i out mim tonsoeep
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