If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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