Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
