carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
