I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
