god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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