I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
