I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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