I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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