I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
