Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
