new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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