So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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