He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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