Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
