I'm so fucking centered right now
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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