Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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