We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We left the knife in your bed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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