First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
