i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
