Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
