someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Randomize
