Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
