I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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