If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
