'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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