CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
