If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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