she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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