Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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