I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
