i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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