Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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