just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
