Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
