Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
