He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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