shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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