remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
