3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
