time to smoke my breakfast
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
