yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
