So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
