Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
