I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
