We named our party play list daddy issues
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
