Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
