PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
