they need to just BURY HIM!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
