Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
