We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
